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Subject: political cows

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>BUREAUCRATIC SOCIALISM: You have two cows. The government takes
>them and puts them in a barn with everyone else's cows. They are cared
>for by ex-chicken farmers. You have to take care of the chickens the
>government took from the chicken farmers. The government gives you as
>much milk and as many eggs as the regulations say you should need.
>
>FASCISM: You have two cows. The government takes both, hires you to
>take care of them, and sells you the milk.
>
>PURE COMMUNISM: You have two cows. Your neighbors help you take
>care of them, and you all share the milk.
>
>RUSSIAN COMMUNISM: You have two cows. You have to take care of
>them, but the government takes all the milk.
>
>DICTATORSHIP: You have two cows. The government takes both and shoots you.
>
>SINGAPOREAN DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. The government fines
>you for keeping two unlicensed farm animals in an apartment.
>
>MILITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes both and drafts you.
>
>PURE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors decide who gets the milk.
>
>REPRESENTATIVE DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. Your neighbors
>pick someone to tell you who gets the milk.
>
>AMERICAN DEMOCRACY: The government promises to give you two
>cows if you vote for it. After the election, the president is impeached
>for speculating in cow futures. The press dubs the affair "Cowgate".
>
>BRITISH DEMOCRACY: You have two cows. You feed them sheeps'
>brains and they go mad. The government doesn't do anything.
>
>BUREAUCRACY: You have two cows. At first the government regulates
>what you can feed them and when you can milk them. Then it pays you
>not to milk them. After that it takes both, shoots one, milks the other
>and pours the milk down the drain. Then it requires you to fill out forms
>accounting for the missing cows.
>
>ANARCHY: You have two cows. Either you sell the milk at a fair price or
>your neighbors try to kill you and take the cows.
>
>CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull.
>
>HONG KONG CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell three of them
>to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your
>brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with
>associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax
>deduction for keeping five cows. The milk rights of six cows are
>transferred via a Panamanian intermediary to a Cayman Islands company
>secretly owned by the majority shareholder, who sells the rights to all
>seven cows' milk back to  the listed company. The annual report says
>that the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
>Meanwhile, you kill the two cows because the fung shui is bad.
>
>ENVIRONMENTALISM: You have two cows. The government bans you
>from milking or killing them.
>
>FEMINISM: You have two cows. They get married and adopt a veal calf.
>
>TOTALITARIANISM: You have two cows. The government takes them
>and denies they ever existed. Milk is banned.
>
>POLITICAL CORRECTNESS: You are associated with (the concept of
>"ownership" is a symbol of the phallo-centric, war-mongering, intolerant
>past) two differently-aged (but no less valuable to society) bovines of
>non-specified gender.
>
>COUNTER CULTURE: Wow, dude, there's like... these two cows, man.
>You got to have some of this milk.
>
>SURREALISM: You have two giraffes. The government requires you to
>take harmonica lessons


